WTF
i really hate myself so much that i have doubts in myself
i cant really do one thing well
even a simple task and i cant do it well
what is the problem with me?
what the hell am i doing?
what the hell am i thinking?

am i born with no talents? no capabilities?
or am i taking things for granted?

please god,
help me..
tell me what is wrong with me?

it has been a downpour for me again and again

first, i dropped out from RP just because i have no interests
and no, i am not regretted with my decision
i have to bear the consequences

second, i could not find a better pay job
maybe is due to my low education background
that caused me to find job so hard

third, some family problem had happened
and not yet solved

forth, my course had postphoned to june
aint they know they are dragging my precious time away?
i know they just get their monthly salary
but do they think about us? our time?

fifth,........................................
i do not want to comment on this
i just freak off totally
i put high hopes on this
and yet it turn out worst than what i expected
FUCK!!!

why bad things happened after my mum passed away?
isn't she watching over us?

now, i feel that i am becoming less confidence in myself
because everything i put hope on it,
it turn out the other way

everyday, my time just passed so unmeaningless
i have nothing to aim for
nothing to look forward to
and i do not want to hope for anything anymore again

i am afraid that ..
nothing turn well for me

I WANT TO IMPROVE ON MY LIFE
I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
AND NOT SIT THERE DOING NOTHING
I NEED TO ENRICH THE QUALITY OF MY LIFE

I WANT MYSELF TO LIVE BETTER EACH DAY

right now,
i am feeling rather down and moodless
just because i had received one idiotic email

am i really that hard to teach?